I received this letter today. A dear friend and her frank struggles and strife. I had to share this because we all need to be reminded of how life is truly day to day. Be grateful and hold each other super tight. I deleted out the names to respect their privacy and hopefully she won't be pissed at me for sharing this. So take some quiet time, sit with your wine (or beer, or coffee, or tea or me:) and count ALL your blessings. Cause I know I am but sometimes I just need a good swift kick in the ass to keep me present.
..........wanting to write for some time,........just things come up when I think I can & then it is just the usual taking care of business around here, taking care of ....... & my work,.......animals & just trying to live my life. It has been arduous at times, but I have to be steadfast & strong & plow through it though it sucks, ....... condition is permanent as far as the brain damage goes, his whole right side of his body will always have the nerve damage & what very little he can do which isn't much at this point is to just except it for what it is, paralysis. He is officially disabled, he withdrew himself from his Nursing class at school, is no longer able to keep up w/ the class studies due to his every 2 wk Chemo treatments, & then he stays for up to 4 days in the hospital so therefore he misses out on classroom studies/lectures. Plus after meeting w/ a Vocational therapist he would not qualify for ever becoming a Nurse, physically his body at this point & down the foreseeable future could not w/hold being on his feet & & lifting a patient. It is sad & as it was something he looked very forward to in wanting to help people, be around people & do well for human kind, he carried a 4.0 average through a good chunk of his schooling & was recognized for it from the President of the college, himself and one other person, I was very happy & proud. But He still continues to do on-line studies from home, he is working on a couple more credits to see if he will be able to fulfill a career in Medical Management, it would be a desk job, (so what), & it really is all up to him, we both want nothing more for to him to be busy, I will not have nor tolerate him being home, shuffling around, laying around when his mind is still very quite adequate & able to carry out a days worth of work, though not right now w/ his cancer/treatments, but when he is recovered it would be great to see him out there w/ the rest of the world making a living & using his mind. Enough of that shit.
So how the heck are you .......,........I think of you always, please know that, I have lost touch w/ a lot of people over the course of all this, not by choice, it has just consumed me, drained me, I have not had a life of my own, as I have said before, I am a caregiver first, a wife second, I feel I've added years to my life, the stress is overwhelming, I tell people who whine, piss & moan about trivial little crappy shit, to try being in my shoes, for one day, two wks., or 4 1/2 months since this has all been going on, I would trade for anything some days, I finally took myself out to my brothers cabin this past wknd for a getaway, I wanted to spend some time w/ my bro, & it happened to fall on the opening wknd of deer season, so w/ him & his buddy & son we all had some fun time, got to help ....... drag his 10 point Buck back to the cabin & hang it, we celebrated w/ spirits & I made a yummy dinner for all of us & more (GUYS!) showed up, for dinner & spirits, we passed the night away by the camp fire & watched it snow, it was beautiful. We got 5 inches of it, the next morning was like a snow globe, & we were in the middle of it, & then I realized I had to head back for home, one I threw my back out, second, I didn't want to be gone too long from home, (from .........); so after 2 1/2 days I came home, the snow continued to fall, it was bittersweet, I really wanted to be back out in the deep woods & hills at my brothers cabin, being in the thick of all the snow & pines.
So sounds like you will be around the homestead for the holiday? We are headed down to .......... for the big dinner at .......... in-laws, we go there every year, then down to .......... for Christmas, ( side of the family), his one sister lives there w/ her family, & his other sis is flying in from Seattle, & others will join us there as well, then my father is coming up that Tuesday after for a few days to his condo w/ his "wife" who refuses to come to our house because of "cat dander", well we have not had a cat here in over a year??!!!!!!!! It's always an excuse w/ her, & she is very controlling of my father,.......my house is as dust free & dander free as can be!!!!!!! I keep up w/ the chores/cleaning every other 3 days, just because I can't stand dust & dog hair,......our Bassets have resorted to sleeping down stairs now in the livingroom on this "huge" bed we made them, and ........ also sleeps on the first floor as well so they have him close by if they need to get let out in the middle of the night. .........needs to be near the bathroom, especially after his chemo, GOD I WILL BE SO VERY HAPPY, ELATED, STRESS FREE, when all of this is over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I miss talking to you. I don't spend a whole lot of time on the phone as well, just don't have the luxury, I haven't talked much to family either, but they call or email just to let us know they are thinking of us, if I can't get to the phone either because I'm just plum fucking busy w/ taking care of my husband & every thing else!!!!!!!! My one sister just didn't get it one day when she called, & I don't feel like I owe her an apology anyway,......she needs to understand, she was just being "stupid" that day & I had been dealing w/ having five of our close friends here helping w/ the firewood, & me being out there & then having to feed all these people, cleaning up, we started from sun up to sun down, it was an exhausting day, & she called 3 times that day while I was in the middle of it all, I was soooooooooooo tired that night that I didn't even know if I had the energy to take a shower. So she called a 4th time & finally I laid into her but w/ a very even tone diplomatic voice, but I made my point. So since I have not heard from her,......whatever. Get over it sister!!!!!!!
Anyhoooooo............
Well I need to go stoke the fire downstairs & think about some dinner for me, I'm not very hungry these days, I've dropped a couple of pant sizes, I've lost inches, & now I'm kind of at a plateau, I also have my Chiropractor appointment tomorrow & I have to take....... for his usual blood draw & then physical therapy, busy day again.
Have yourselves a awesome Thanksgiving, really, be thankful for what you have.
Love you to the hills & back!
